Friday, September 17, 2010

Cardboard Box, BE GONE! :~:~Poof~:~:

:::::CAUTION: Reader's warning, these are my opinions, I'm not trying to force them on anyone or convince anyone of anything, I am simply giving a little piece of 'me' to you.. if you so choose to continue reading. The end.::::::

I have decided tonight that I will be hardcore working on re-learning Spanish. Yes, the Spanish that I took two years of in college.. paid who knows how much money for the courses.. passed with flying colors.. yet still know none of.

I think about my decision. And rationalize it by saying, 'Well, I'm re-learning my Spanish because I'll be living in South America (backpacking) for four months come April... duhh...' Yet, then I realize that, I have been living in Korea for 7 almost 8 months and have yet to learn over 20 Korean words.. nor do I feel the need to.. nor want to.. nor ever feel the desire to learn it. I will be here 5 more months, and then another year shortly after.. yet still, I don't feel the need to learn Korean.

There is an issue here.

It makes me ponder 'WHY Korea?' I just finished reading the book Eat Pray Love and when she goes to 'eat' in Italy, her main desire is to learn and immerse herself in the Italian language. She felt that, it would make her get to know the country, the people and the culture better. I think that I want to get to know the Korean country, and the people and the culture better as well too.. but do I? The question I ask myself, is do I REALLY want to live in Korea for another year after this contract? And as I think about that.. yes I'm thinking about it at this very moment, my answer would still be yes, although I may not have the desire that Elizabeth Gilbert had to learn the language of a country she loved (although I think she wanted to learn more about the country of the language she loved), I still want to come to Korea another year.

I love Korea. Of course, there are ups and downs. But I feel happy and fulfilled with my life right now. I feel that I am honestly doing what I was meant to do, at this point in time. Not necessarily teaching, but Korea has allowed me to work with and love people and children from (literally)around the world, and it has allowed me to be outside the box that most young Americans are forced to be squeezed into with the flaps tightly bent over the buldge as society around them tries to hold the top flaps down with one elbow while trying to successfully get the packaging tape to stick to the corner, so that it can release the elbow and seal the box.. walking away, forcing what is in the box to be unhappily molded into a position in that society that is harder than stone to get away from. Then, society can turn the other way while the person that is in the box tries desperately, nearly killing themselves, to break out of that box and wander back to the path they were meant to follow all along.

I know that is a bit dramatic, but do you know who I am?! If you do know me (which, I hope you do since you're reading this blog) then you know I am being more than serious. Although I was raised that the 'normal' path for a young Southern American Girl to take is to :1.) Graduate high school 2.) Graduate college 3.)Settle into a career/Get married 4.) Have babies 5.) Retire.. at the age of 'who knows' since the retirement age keeps getting pushed higher and higher 6.) Die

I prefer the path of following my heart, not following societal norms, doing what makes me happy and doing good for others. This may sound selfish, but who honestly, HONESTLY, knows what they're going to do for the rest of their lives when their 22?! How can I be expected to be mature enough (jump through lifes obstacles on my own, without the help and security of another party) and ready to pick a life-long career and get married (without the high possibility of divorce, being at such a young age) without experiencing life and the world first!? I think a requirement for both is to LIVE and EXPERIENCE. Working in an office at a job you're unhappy with in a busy city you are unhappy with from 9-5 plus overtime leaves you little time to experience the other things that exist in this world besides money and cars and clothes and nice apartments. I don't feel comfortable getting married at the age of 22 because I've witnessed how people change and grow apart in their 20's because you have life to live outside of college and your parents' house, how can you be expected to stay the same when you still have much more maturing and developing to be done.

Also, at what other time in my life would I be able to be young and at my prime with the world and possibilities at my finger tips?! Why SHOULDN'T I take advantage of this opportunity, because it isn't what Americans should be doing?! Because it isn't what we've been taught since we were young, that you grow up, get a job, get married and then when you're finished supporting you're children you can travel around the world so long as you don't dive into your retirement account. I am still young people, let me be young! When I am middle aged and without a career/husband THEN you can haggle me and down me for what I am doing, because it is NOT that I don't desire that, it is not that I DON'T want to be near my family and friends right now. I am making new friends that come from all over the world that want to teach me things, that want to explore, that want to help me fulfill my desire of youth, to help me BE me, and who support me on any random decision I make.. even if it is moving back to the US to begin a career.

I just want the world/society to know that it is OK to learn about the world, fear doesn't have to be a part of everyone's lives. You don't have to fear the unknown, just explore it, get to know it, love it, maybe you'll learn something.

This is basically my diary for everyone to see. It should probably be kept to myself, but this is how I feel at this moment, this is why I am living my life like I am, and why I will continue to think outside of the box. I want your support!

I know this blog began with me discussing why I am learning Spanish, but sometimes you have to peel the layers of an onion apart rather than just getting it over with and cutting it with a knife (The Blind Side, awesome and inspirational movie).

There is a lot of life to be lived before we die
Don't let it pass you by
Don't be fearful of that which you do not know
Follow your Personal Legend or at least try
Take the path less walked on
And don't be afraid to fly.


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